Appreciation Maximization
I tend to be a pragmatic optimist. That is, I’m often looking for the reasons to be excited about something, acknowledging full well that there are challenges, obstacles, or other things that can go wrong/prevent the ideal outcome.
With people in my life — especially over the last few years — this has played out in a specific way: I’ve become an appreciation maximizer. I look for every opportunity to let someone know that I appreciate them, ideally in very specific terms, no matter how small the reason is.
Part of this was influenced by conversations I had with friends about how few orbits we likely had with so many people that once made up the fabric of our daily lives. My close friends from high school, many of whom I still talk to, I will see only a handful (or few handfuls) of times in person throughout the rest of my life - simply because of life circumstances. Each of those moments (like every moment ideally) should be cherished.
In addition to that person feeling valued, loved, seen, etc, this behavior has led to a number of other positive outcomes:
I’m regularly looking for things to appreciate. As my undergrad advisor often reminded me, “if you want to see something beautiful on your commute, you will.” (He used to walk to work with a camera and had a keen eye for finding beauty anywhere.)
I’ve become more public with my appreciation for others, whether that’s small +1-ing via Twitter replies or dedicated Instagram posts.
Both of these have created their own positive flywheels. Looking for more things to appreciate means I’m looking at more things, which helps me find more things, which helps me appreciate more things, and so on. Appreciating things about the people in my life (especially publicly) leads to others adding on with their own perspectives, which both makes me appreciate that person in new ways AND makes them feel more appreciated.
None of this is to say I’m unaware of the no good, very bad time (TM) that we’re living through or what we need to do to course correct, but I am firmly in the camp of giving people their flowers while they can still smell them. Having lost too many friends at this point in my life, I’m confident that not doing so is one of the things I would truly regret.